The Upcoming Cottage Vacation, and Other Stuff

I’ve just been busy lately on trying to improve myself that I haven’t really had the chance to really think about things.  Which is really good! *smile*  And when I do relax, my head starts spinning again so it becomes annoying.  That’s not so great.  I am still exercising, but not as much as I was before…I was doing exercises in the mornings, walking nights and everything so I was almost on a high…now I am trying to settle myself down, now that I’m getting exhausted, and very sore, and especially now that I have gotten some graphic design work to do, and need to sit down and focus on the work.  I had been talking to new people and a lot of them, once they find out what I do workwise, they ask me to do something for them.  Which has been…odd.  I was on a dating site, so I don’t know why I’m getting work, but I have no complaints.  I’m not looking for relationships anyway.  Heh…

Oh, I also have been keeping busy eating elsewhere…I bought all this food for when my ex was supposed to come by in his holidays and my mom keeps asking me over for dinner so that I wouldn’t eat alone…so my fridge and freezer are still full.  It’s so crazy. *laughs*  I ended up throwing out a bunch of stuff the other day, so it’s improving. *smile* A while back, I had a BBQed steak, and that was very good…then the next day my mom’s boyfriend’s brother, Boris and Carol both invited them and me over for dinner, and it was steak again.  *shakes head*  I was so stuffed after eating, and so sick of steak by then with having it two days in a row…I eat a lot less than I used to, so it’s good. I barely ate my entire plate, at Boris and Carol’s, it was just so filling. *smile*  Oh well.  I even went for a swim at their apartment’s pool and it was interesting…all day it was humid and hot, and once we finally got down there, around 5, it had cooled down considerably, so by the time I got in the pool the water had become cool. *laughs* I still got in and took a bit of a swim.  I’m still achy all over from the crazy push-push I did when I first started the exercises with bodyrock.tv…so when I exercise now, it’s a lot less, but still, not entirely painful anymore so it’s good…I’m just trying to push myself less. *smile*  I really need my energy to get back to where it never was for a long time so I’m good with that. Haha…and the exercises are really working for that.

Well, I had a swim and dinner at Boris and Carol’s place, and afterwards, Boris surprised me by giving me a homemade stuffed rabbit, made out entirely of men’s wool socks that he had bought.  I was thrown. *L* I have no idea why they did that, but it was interesting. *L* They know what I’ve been through so they were just trying to cheer me up and being silly.  They tend to say that they really love having me around and over, and talking with them.  It was good, I was not in such a bad shape the night I went over…it varies every day actually so it’s a little weird. *smile* I usually do much better when I’m with people and talking with family. Hehe…I think too much, I think. I get told that quite often. ;)

My mom finally found and booked a cottage, in Gananoque, for the week of July 9th to 16th… it took her a long time and a lot of jumping around on different cottages, wow!  But she already got this one and it’s a four bedroom cottage which is crazy. *smile* It was affordable so that’s why they got it, but they love it…they actually got to see it a bit when they went down to pay the woman the fee for the cottage. *smile*  They really liked it.  So it’ll be interesting to see how it turns out to be…I know John, me and Mom are going for sure, and Boris and Carol may go for a few days or the full week, I have no idea… Maybe John’s sons will go.  Funny.  All wait and see of course.  I’m looking forward to going there…gonna be doing a bit of swimming, if the water is going to be warm enough and just being outside a bit…They keep telling me that if I want to bring anyone I can, but I have no idea who else that I know wants to go, especially at that date.  So not much I can do about it…Everyone I’m talking to lately are still too new to even consider inviting them so it’s okay…Oh well. *smile*

Hmm, what else?  I’ve been trying to figure out how to add a RSS feed onto my website, so that I don’t have to always have to copy and paste all the journal entries from WordPress on to my website.  Since I couldn’t figure it out on my website control panel I asked the people there, and they were telling me I had to have it in a completely different kind of hosting service.  So I switched it over, and when it’s up, hopefully there’ll be something that will get the WordPress entries to just load automatically.  It’d be so nice…I like to be able to write in a journal and not worry about adding it on to my website…I rather have it just automatically be added.  So I think I’m getting closer to that step. *smile*  I’ve just been focusing pretty much on dumb things right now, but at least it’s distracting. Haha…

It’s funny, the other day I was actually thinking of getting a dog.  Just for company…my cat is nice company but she’s not always around, so it’s all right.  She’s always hiding somewhere or running off somewhere.  ;)  She’s often outside hiding in the garage, it makes it so hard to find her sometimes. :/  She would get locked in and we wouldn’t even know. *laughs*  I would be wondering where she would be, and then we’d check the garage and she’d be lying on the floor there, or on the items that are stored there.  Hehe…she’s crazy.  Violet knows I’m in a better shape than I was before…for a while there she was always by my side and kissing up to me, and making sure I gave her my attention.  It was weird actually, never seen a cat do that, but that’s what Violet has been doing…she’s been leaving me alone again because I’ve been doing better so it’s not bad right now.  *smile*  I was just thinking it’d be nice to get a dog, for company, and something to walk with and do things with…but I’m just not sure yet. I think I’m just thinking too much, and dogs are expensive too. *laughs*

Oh yeah, I went to meet someone I had been talking to for a very short time in my cell phone…he doesn’t use the internet, and told me he would think about getting me to work at where he works at, Smallworld Media…he knows I’m a graphic designer and said he would try something like that…I told him to go ahead, I did apply there a long time ago and they never responded back so nothing I can do about that.  Anyway, I met him the other day over the weekend, and it was a little strange…he was talking about his separation, and how recent it was…and then went on to say that he’d be interested in sleeping with me and that sort of thing, I had to back off.  I told him I was actually just looking for friends, people to talk to, that’s it…so if he wanted more, I couldn’t be the person to give it to him.  For one he’s recently separated, as in two months now, and I barely know him at the moment so uh-huh…not someone I can be interested in.  I had to tell him that.  I hate that part…but hopefully he’s okay with it, he still talks to me after all…not in depth talks but just light surface talks, it never seemed to improve after we met.  So it’s a little odd. *smile*  I went to the waterfront with him, and we sat down for like 5-15 minutes and then I told him that since he was not ready to be able to talk to people normally and still was having trouble with the fact that he was separated, that I should go back home. *smile* So I did…so it was a very interesting evening that’s for sure. *L*  He kept looking over his shoulder thinking he was going to see his ex-wife walking around…so that was just odd for me, I thought.  I’m just there to be friends.  But he was expecting more, and I don’t do that. :/  Just all wait and see what happens really.

Oh yes, my ex-husband Eric finally got all of his stuff out of the garage, so he’s now out of my life for good, at least until the divorce…all of his items are now gone from the garage…so I’m so glad about that!  hehe…I even went out with my mom to talk to Jack, my ex’s mom’s boyfriend, my mom wanted to know how he was, as she knew that he had cancer before, and wanted to see how he was…he seemed to be doing a lot better, and all that, so he was all joking around and being silly, while Eric and Ben brought in all the big stuff from the garage.  So that was a good thing to hear.  Once they were done, they left, so it was interesting, it was all a huge relief for me. ;)   Just have one more thing to do, file for divorce, which would be nice. *smile* But I’m not really in a big rush anyway, after all I’m still single so it’s all right. *smile*  And my mom was telling me to try eHarmony for dating, as I was complaining about POF being full of weird people, though it has improved the past few days, and when I tried to register for eHarmony, they banned me from going any further, because I was actually separated.  They said that once I had my divorce finalized, I could reapply again.  Wow, what craziness. *L* I didn’t even know that eHarmony did that, but I guess they do.  Haha…Funny though.  So I am continuing on with POF and kind of hoping that the people that I talk to improve.  It seems to be slowly improving… I’m getting less people who are obsessed with sex, and more people who want to talk, so it’s good…just have to see how it turns out. *smile*  It’s hard, as I am only looking for friendship, and there’s a lot of people who seem to think that means more. *rolls eyes*

I’ve also been talking to old exes, and that has been funny.  We broke up for a reason, but we still get along later on. ;)   It’s just funny talking to them nowadays actually.  I also added a Google Adwords thing for my portfolio website, so just seeing if it will work…it hasn’t seemed to, but I need to email my old friend from Ottawa, Eric and ask him about that, he was the one who told me about it…so it’ll be interesting. *smile*  Oh well.

The Cup, Friends & Being Active

Wow, this is really dumb. I’m referring to the Stanley Cup; Vancouver lost last night, so okay then…that’s too bad, but congratulations to Boston for winning the Cup…I don’t have a preference, a Canadian team would have been nice, but oh, well. But I have been hearing about all the riots that happened after the game in Vancouver…it kind of disgusts me how they all flipped out there that Vancouver lost…wow. Yeah, they lost, what can you do about that, it just happens. *rolls eyes* See the article here: Vancouver Riots Have Canadians Blushing. Craziness.

In my last entry, about the break up, it’s pretty much done, and I’m just trying to see if he would still be friends, but he seems weird about that part. Still does a lot of pushing away so it’s tough. Oh well…he has said, well, it seems like the break up was for the best then, so it’s fine…it wasn’t, but I guess for him it was. All up to him, it was something he wanted. I guess he’s still all messed up as it is right now, so he’s not really making sense these days. I do want to be friends but that would be until he has his mind in order again, it’ll be okay. We used to talk a lot before we started dating, we used to email each other a lot and just talked about a lot…I’m hoping to get back to that at least. *smile* But if he really wants to push me away permanently, he may succeed in that. I’m hoping not for that. That would suck. Haha…

I tried going on those dating sites after the break up happened, it was really hard, and all I was looking for was friends. It’s really hard to achieve definitely, because they are actually dating sites, though they did have the option of looking for friends; everyone seems to want something different…if I say I want friends, they hope that I will go for one night stands. I often have to turn them down because that’s not something I do or are looking for. Yikes…it’s bad. One married guy talked to me and I was like, okay…you can talk to me, but he also started sounding strange, and I had to tell him to stop being weird, because I am not into married guys that way either, ever, along with single guys at the moment. Friendships are what I need at the moment, as I lack friends here in Kingston…most of my friends are far away from me so it’s frustrating…*chuckles* I talked to Kat though, she said for me to come up to Kanata to visit her this summer so that should be good, still have to figure out her schedule with work and times she spends with Derek. Heh… Oh well. But it’d be good…I’m just tired of thinking too much which drives me insane. I have kind of started backing out of the dating sites, and only talk to one guy from there who I talked to before I started seeing Steve, we were friendly before so it’s good. He’s the only one so far who hasn’t asked or implied for sex, so that’s why I talk to him. Haha…

Anyway, yesterday I went on a walk early in the afternoon because I was feeling so restless and crazy from all the nutty people I was getting on POF the night before, I just wanted to have someone to actually talk to, not someone to argue with and keep away from me. So I decided to just go for a walk early in the afternoon so to release my tension and frustration, and it was pretty good, got back home and was tired out enough to stop thinking too much; and then just did odd stuff at home, mellowed out, cleaned up the place, and then my mom asked me to go for a walk with her later in the evening, so I went to wear out more tension. I actually got tired enough, and was able to think positively and happier, and I talked to my friend Kelly and he told me about this site that he knows about and uses himself, it’s an exercise site, that I can use when I feel the need to exercise. I normally don’t exercise, but he recommended it because, well, I was having the need to release all the stress from me, so it’d be a good way of doing it, instead of trying to find people to talk to, yell at people and obsess about things that I can’t fix, and focus on myself, and bettering myself first. It’s called bodyrock.tv… I had never heard of it, but I checked it out and it’s pretty good…you can do as much as you want, and as little as you want, and you can pick out what exercises you want to use…it looked pretty good…so I decided to give it a try this morning when I got up…

Wow, that was something. It really made me sweat so that was good, really hard and quick exercises so that was good…I like quick, I don’t like exercising for hours and hours…especially now that I’m so out of shape. Haha…So that was pretty good. I will be using it more often, as I have so much more energy now. I’m also not sleeping all the time…last night I went to bed at one in the morning…got up at 7:30. I just couldn’t sleep longer…which is amazing. I usually have to sleep 12 hours or more, so that is pretty awesome. I feel very alert, full of energy and have lots of willingness to do stuff. It was strange, I have not felt this way in a long time…but I also had to wait for my thyroid meds to work, and it was slowly improving but not a lot, only because I was not very active, being down the past month or so, being confused and disappointed with the break up and my ex’s choice, so it was weird…now that I’m forcing myself be active, I can see a difference in me. I have more muscle, lost more weight, and even my skin has gotten better – that aspect probably has more to do with my thyroid than exercise anyway, my face and any other areas had dry areas on it, are gone…they are actually healing up so I’m really happy about that. Heh… So I will have to keep the exercise up and see if I can get where I want to be. *smile* For one thing, when I see the dating sites, everyone that is looking, are athletic. Ugh. I’m not normally, so it’s tough. Heh… So I have to really, for myself, so to make myself feel better, and have the feel of not needing to be with somebody all the time. I’m actually feeling better, when I’m bored and alone, to exercise instead of thinking too much or going online too much, I just need to get out of needing to find people to talk to and chat with. That’s the tricky part, I like to talk, and got used to talking to my ex and now I have no one to chat with so it’s a little tough. I still have some friends and all that, but I don’t like taking up too much of their time, ’cause, well, they have their own lives. *smile*

I’ve been watching movies lately, I bought some movies a while back, Blue Valentine — that was a very odd movie…it was good, but at the same time just sad. Oh well. I understood and got the movie though, so that was a little funny, still it was too sad, don’t think I would watch it again. Last night I watched No Strings Attached…that was a funny movie…I liked that movie. I actually could understand the girl there, played by Natalie Portman, she reminds me a lot of me, but at the same time not. So it was kinda cool.

Hopefully I’ll find more people to do things with, which would be good… Eventually.

I’ve been talking to my mom a bit lately, as she and John have been considering renting a cottage for a week, so that everyone could go to and get a break and just relax and unwind. She was supposed to have John’s brother come by for the week as he was the one who wanted to rent a cottage and get out of Kingston for a little bit…but he ended up changing his mind so it may just be my mom, John and me…gotta shell out cash for it. Haha…Anyway, my mom had suggested a cottage so that I and Steve could go to, as well, so that he could relax and have his mind taken off from all the commotion of his life, but soon after my mom suggested it, everything went awry with Steve and him pushing me away and being concerned about his lack of money and stuff like that, and that I would be happier apart from him. It kind of threw me off, too, but oh well…so it’ll likely be me, my mom and John now…not sure who else may go…maybe one of John’s sons, but not sure just yet. *smile* Oh well…at first they were looking at this really pretty cottage in Muskoka Lake, and was talking to this woman who was renting it out, and John was working on deciding, asking people if they could go or not, and things kept going weird, and someone else was interested in the cottage, and when John and Mom just decided to just take it anyway, then the woman decided to give John attitude, saying that she had to wait for the other couple to get back to her before she could decide, like John was the last option…even though he was the first one who called in his interest for the cottage. She was very, very nasty and very bitchy to John that it pissed him off enough to not want to speak to her anymore, and started looking for another cottage to stay at. *laughs*

So my mom found another cottage over at Perth, another nice place right over the water, so that one sounds more likely than the other one. Still waiting, but I think we’ll end up getting that one for August…so it’ll be good. *smile* They don’t know if anyone else is interested, but I think it’s just the two of them. It’s been a pain trying to get a cottage for sure! Wow. But I need the opportunity to get out of town and unwind and not worry about my own life… heh.

I have also been talking to Eric, who I used to know from Ottawa, he owns his own businesses, and I was talking to him about starting my own freelance business…I have had it for a while, but it’s the whole attracting customers and new clients part that I am having trouble with. When I do find customers, sometimes they run because I’m deaf, because they figure I can’t do the job for them, so thats why I tend to get customers that I know already in person or are friends with, so it’s a little silly. Oh, well, what can you do? He gave me tips on what to do, to make myself more searchable…I think I need to talk to him a little more about how to set it up in a better way, more appropriate and etcetera. It’s gonna cost money, but I’ll live. haha… If I can get clients, it’d be good. It’s something I need to pay for so to get customers and clients. So it’s all wait and see if it’ll work. Hmm, I think that’s all so far. Just been an interesting little while, for sure!